the plank in my eye

Radical Unschooling

2009-06-10T10:59:00.003-04:00

Recently, a Facebook friend asked if I am "an unschooler or a radical unschooler?" I'll admit, I didn't know the difference! But having read this, I can say that I am definitely a radical unschooler.
Here is my response to my friend:

Thanks for asking - this is all very new to us (started this spring). So it feels good to think about and articulate the whys.

I read John Holt's first book, "How Children Fail" and I really loved it. I saw myself and my kids in it all over! I read snippets here and there to my husband. And we both completely changed our ideas about homeschooling and schooling in general.

We do have set bedtimes for the kids, and they have chores, etc. Also, what we serve for dinner is what is available. They can choose to eat it or not. But that's all that is available. I think these things are for me - because I am the mom, and I get to have some say in how I run my house. Otherwise, I would not enjoy it, and would not want to do homeschool or even have kids for that matter.

So I think we are radical in that we have changed our mindset about schooling completely. We have no expectations of the kids to "do school". Outside of their responsibilities to do their chores and obey mom and dad, they are free to do as they wish throughout the day. We find they are learning constantly. In fact, I started yesterday to write about it, and I gave up. It was too much to type and I wanted to do other things!! :)

Hope this answers your questions. Thanks for the opportunity.

Unschooling

2009-02-22T17:32:00.009-05:00

Every year I go through this. My yearly rethinking of all things homeschool. This year, I am reading John Holt's "How Children Fail" and absolutely loving it. It rings true to me. I have promised myself that I will not make any decisions about next years' school until I have finished reading this book, and also his "Teach Your Own" book on homeschooling. John Holt is considered to be the father of "unschooling", a home school philosophy that I would have never imagined myself signing on with. I am also going to the MASS HOPE homeschooling convention in April, and want to hold off on deciding until I have taken in what is there.

But what I am taking away from all of this is that there really is no right or wrong way of learning - only the way that works for your family, for your individual child and in that season in which you find yourselves.
On our recent trip to Chicago, we were able to go to 3 different museums - and the kids learned so much. I didn't "make" them learn. I didn't even direct so much where we were going once we got there, except to say that we were staying together. So the 8 year old had his turn, and then the 5 year old would say "let's look over there!", and then the 3 year old would lead us in another direction altogether. But through all of this we were together, learning and having fun. Even mom (especially mom) was learning. I wonder how I could make our homeschool more like going to the museum? I don't want to set up exhibits, but maybe I could pull out resources and interest the kids in one thing or another. I am drawn to the idea of being a resource person (like a librarian) or a facilitator (like the workers at the museum) rather than a teacher. How do I reconcile that with my conventional ideas about schooling?
I saw on the internet the idea of schooling through games, which appeals to me. Growing up in Chicago, I remember playing games nearly all winter. And my oldest grew by leaps and bounds in his math when we gave up on the formal curriculum and played Monopoly for a season. But even in games, it feels too much like mom is leading. I have a hard time relaxing and get all bent out of shape when my kids want to do their own "house rules" of games. Why is that?
Lastly, what I read in John Holt's book seems to resonate with the things we are learning at Option. To go toward what you want instead of using fear and anger as motivators (for ourselves and others). How much of school is motivated by fear and anger rather than by the pure joy of learning something you want to know about? And there is a time for everything. Five years ago, you couldn't have paid to me to read up about chickens. But when I wanted to know about them, I was a voracious learner. I now know more than I probably need to and it was an enjoyable experience. I can't say that about much of my formal school experiences.

What have you done?

2008-12-26T18:44:00.002-05:00

(mine are in bold )

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea or from an airplane
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

My friends' home

2008-12-26T14:32:00.002-05:00

Just a year after the first flooding, my friends' home has flooded again. I am praying for them. Insurance gave them a really hard time last time. They've been living like they are camping out in their own home for the past week.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T08:57:00.002-05:00

In Fertility

2008-12-17T15:29:00.003-05:00

When hubby and I were trying to get pregnant 10 years ago, we had some tests done. We were older (34 and 38) and wanted to be sure we weren't just spinning our wheels. A doctor called and told us that we would not be able to become pregnant without serious medical assistance. Funny thing. Turns out I was pregnant when we got the call.
So we chose not to believe the medical community then, and went on to have three wonderful, amazing kids.
Recently we've become committed to the notion of letting God choose the size of our family. By that I mean, we are not trying to become pregnant. But we are not trying not to, either.
Two very difficult (physically) miscarriages later, we are throwing up our hands. And going back to the doctor.
Yesterday, I answered a lot of questions and endured the usual poking and prodding known as gynecology at the Center for Advanced Reproductive Services at University of Connecticut. In the end, I am told, it will probably be determined that I am simply old. (I could have told you that!!) But to me, that doesn't explain the difficulty with which I have been miscarrying. I had miscarried before each of the children. And those miscarriages were an entirely different experience.
So when they asked me, Do you want to be pregnant? Are you going for a fourth child? I know I must have seemed odd to them. I would be okay with being pregnant. I would be okay with not being pregnant. I'm just not okay with being so disabled by miscarriages that I am unable to be of use to my family.
They want me to go through a bunch of tests. Some only involve bodily fluids and aren't that invasive. Those I would do. But the one where they shoot my uterus full of dye and take x-rays - that seems like it would do more harm than good. And the endometrial biopsy - same thing. I have to think that after each of these I would be bleeding like crazy all over again. I'd rather not entice my body to hemorrhage.
But the truly mind-boggling part of the day, was meeting with the financial coordinator. It seems my insurance, Connecticare, doesn't cover infertility treatments. Cool. I have no problem with that. I wouldn't want to do invitro or clomid or any of the other things that are done to promote fertility. I am fertile. That I don't have problems with! I just don't want to bleed for months and lose babies right and left.
So they suggested that I get my tubes tied or a hysterectomy. If I don't want to be pregnant, why not? I guess my response is a little counter-cultural. I want to keep my organs and have them work correctly. I want to leave whether or not I have another baby up to God. And I would like help figuring out why it's not working.
So I guess Connecticare would prefer to pay for emergency D &C's and ultrasounds rather than help me get well. Apparently they would pay for a hysterectomy if it were medically necessary. I think a few tests would be cheaper.
In the end, I am glad, because it makes my decision easier. I will do the blood work, IF it's covered. And I am beginning treating myself with Progesterone Cream. (Read Dr. John Lee's book, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Pre-Menopause).
And I will ask God what He is up to.

An Important Vote

2008-11-27T18:17:00.002-05:00

Okay, so this isn't the presidential vote, but it's still important. Our friend, Aaron Blue, is a finalist for the Art of Manliness contest. The prize includes $2000, which Aaron will put towards his ministry to orphans in Thailand.
So please check it out, and vote for Aaron Blue.

Freemember lasterday?

2008-10-27T19:18:00.003-04:00

When my oldest was 2, he would say, "Mom, freemember lasterday when we. . ." Freemember was a cute mispronunciation that we could read more into if we wanted. But lasterday. . . Lasterday is a coined word. Something he made up all by himself. Lasterday referred to sometime before today. Could be yesterday, the day before yesterday, last week or last year. Just lasterday. Great word we thought. Really nice. And the freemember part, like being free to remember was the fun, childlike memory part of it. Freemember lasterday? I just like saying it.
Fast forward 6 years. Our youngest is two. She has an awesome vocabulary. Things aren't funny, they are hilarious! She has been speaking in full sentences (paragraphs, really) since she could put two words together. And she is so little (5th percentile) that it adds to the child savant thing because it's like this little baby doll is saying all these big words in context.
So the other day she says to me, "Mom, may we please go to the park nexterday?" I looked at her. She doesn't even know about lasterday. How did she come up with nexterday? Apparently the word coining thing is genetic. Wow.
"Nexterday?" I ask, wondering if it was a fluke.
"Tomorrow, nexterday. I want to go to the park. Please!!!??" Really big smile accompanies request.
Not a fluke. Nexterday apparently does not mean tomorrow, but any day after tomorrow. So in this way it varies (a bit) from lasterday. Lasterday is any day in the past before today. Nexterday is any day in the future after tomorrow.
Think you can freemember that?

Back to Eden

2008-10-18T09:10:00.003-04:00

When God first created man and woman, Adam and Eve, in the garden, do you believe they were happy? Some of the time, or all of the time? I believe that when God first created us (humans) we were happy – all of the time. We were never unhappy in Eden – before the fall.
After the fall, different story. Do you think that Adam and Eve were happy immediately after the fall? The story gives us clues that they were unhappy. They hid their bodies from each other out of shame. They hid from God. They blamed each other for what had happened. They were not happy.
If you, like me, believe that our original state was that of perpetual happiness, then you could know two things: We were created to be happy. And we were never meant to judge what is good for us and what is bad for us.
Most Christians I have talked with believe that total happiness would somehow be a bad thing for us. They believe that guilt, shame, fear and other forms of unhappiness have their proper place in the Christian walk. But Genesis 2 shows us something different; an original plan for humanity that did not include these things. Whatever Adam or Eve did, they did freely and happily. They were like little children in that they did not judge their actions. They simply did them. They went from doing one thing they wanted to do, to the next thing they wanted to do freely. They were naked and unashamed. They were completely visible and free, nothing hidden. And they felt wonderful in that.
Did God want them to feel shame and guilt? No. He specifically instructed them not to eat the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. How could they judge themselves as worthy of guilt or shame? They had no judgments whatsoever, about themselves or anyone or anything else. In effect, everything that happened was good.
But once they ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they knew themselves to be shameful and evil. So they hid, from themselves, from each other, and from God.
I often hear Christians talk about how God can’t stand sin. How He is holy, and when we sin he can’t be around us. But I don’t believe that. Because right after the Big Sin, the First Sin, God came looking for Adam and Eve. He came near to them. He knew what had happened and He wanted to help them. I know that because He made clothes for them. And rather than killing them (as had been promised), He chose to lovingly take them out of the garden so that they would not eat from the Tree of Life and live forever in that state of shame and self condemnation. If there is separation that comes between humans and God due to sin, it is on our side alone.
So how do we go back to that state of perpetual bliss? God came as a man through Jesus to die for us. Now we can know that all of our sins are paid for. We needn’t feel the guilt or shame. Paul says “For there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
We can choose, if we want to, to live in fellowship with God. We could know that His ways are best for us (because He created us and does indeed know better than we do) and we could leave the judging of others and ourselves to God.
We were never intended to determine for ourselves what is good for us and what is bad for us. We can live in a state of going from what we want, to what we want, with God in the picture. And when something comes up that we would want to judge as bad for us, we could remember that He promises to work everything for good for those who love Him. That is where I am headed: back to Eden. Where there are no specks in your eyes, and no planks in mine.

New Mommy, New Baby

2008-10-03T18:13:00.002-04:00

Sister Cynnie had her first child a couple of weeks ago. She is soo cute. I just love how little and new they are. I had forgotten. Cynnie is a great mom - a natural. At first baby was a bit confused about night and day - but now she's getting better at sleeping at night and being awake in the day.
Jon is watching the kids so I can be in Chicago this week and help Cyn. It's been so fun.

I'm a mixed bag, too.

2008-09-12T10:37:00.001-04:00

Doug led me to the Lord 21 years ago. I love how he shares his love for Jesus with people. He has a series of videos on YouTube that I hope you will watch and enjoy. Blessings!

He likes it! Hey, Mikey!

2008-08-11T20:26:00.003-04:00

Math is a subject that comes easy to me. I was intimidated as a child only in that my little brother was so incredibly brilliant in that subject that he was always ahead of me, even though I was two years older and considered a gifted student. Even though my math career only went as far as geometry (meaning that I've never taken Trig or Calc), I got a 680 in math on the SAT. I married a math major. He was teaching Junior High math when we first started dating and made it to co-chair of the Senior High Math Department before changing careers.
So given the gene pool from which our oldest child was derived, I figure, he's going to be good in math.
Well, today I finally proved to myself that the genes don't lie.
You see, I've been homeschooling him for four years now. The first two years we worked the math book, Singapore math to be exact. And we'd always get to the same point in the book, and, well, get stuck. I didn't want to go forward because I knew that he didn't get it. He didn't know what 3+7 was without counting on his fingers, and even then he looked perplexed. So we did the book again from the beginning. Same outcome, one year later. Frustrated, I decided to forget about math for now and play Monopoly.
To my surprise, the same kid who couldn't tell you what 3+7 was to save his soul, could the following in his head: "Okay, this property is $320, and you gave me $500, what's your change?" "$180." Without blinking. That's when I realized, 3+7 is just numbers. $500 minus $320 is about money, and winning the game, and beating mom. It meant something to him.
So we've been playing Monopoly, and Cashflow, and other games, and doing lots of mental math. We didn't have a formal math program at all last year.
This year, however, I have a Kindergartener who deserves time with mom to learn her 3+7's and phonics. So I wanted the 8 year old to do something a little more concrete and independent.
I was reading in Robinson Curriculum that he starts his kids on Saxon 5/4. Well, my son would just be entering 3rd grade if he were in public school, so I thought it'd be a stretch. But I tested him online, and he actually did very well.
So today we began. He worked on Lesson One for about an hour and 15 minutes and moaned about it quite a bit. Then this evening his former math teacher father and he went over his work. He got every problem right. Tricky stuff, like 10 - N = 3. Stuff he'd never seen or done before.
And before going to bed he told me, "You know, Mom, I think I actually liked math today. I mean, it was kind of fun." Yeah, that's my boy. He's really good at math.

Another Child in Heaven

2008-07-14T08:55:00.003-04:00

Hubby and I had been toying with the idea of stopping using birth control. Actually we went through this 4 years ago, and thus we have our little 2 1/2 year old girl. I thought at the time that we were done with birth control, but hubby didn't. Funny how we manage to misunderstand each other about such big issues.
We read a great book called "A Full Quiver" (thanks to the Nevilles) and both agreed that we were excited to leave the family planning to the Lord (even though I am not excited about actual pregnancy, childbirth and months of sleepless nights). So a week ago we made a commitment before the Lord to forgo the birth control. God must have laughed. We didn't know it, but we were already pregnant. I had an impression to test on Wednesday morning. Sure enough, the stick changed colors even before I had a chance to get the cap back on. Rejoice, rejoice. The Lord knew his plans and was just giving us time to get used to the idea.
Saturday, while touring the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I felt faint. Rested. Went on. On the way out, we stopped at the restroom. Why hadn't I felt the wetness of the blood? I sat in the stall dumbfounded. This isn't the first time. That makes six children in heaven, most very early miscarriages.
I am doing well with it, emotionally. But physically I am wrung out. Why if the period is only 5 days late does it feel more like childbirth and less like a period? All of our children on earth were preceded by early miscarriages. Perhaps it's just what my body does. Perhaps there is a reason why I should have such a large family in heaven. I don't know.
But I do know that God is good, and that he works all things together for good for those who love him. Soon I will feel better. I will probably be pregnant again. But some day, I will see all those kids again. And that will be wonderful.

Hi Dad!

2008-05-30T08:00:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my father's death. He died of prostate and lung cancers. I have been "gearing up" for the actual day for a month now. But, happily, it was a really great day, and I didn't find myself to be sad at all.
I had taken the kids up to Montreal for the week to visit my childhood friend, Eve, and her family. We had a really great visit.
On the drive home, we stopped in Plattsburgh, NY. I wanted to go to the Wal-Mart to get a few treats for the kids for the ride home. We had stopped at the mall there on the way up, and I hadn't noticed it. But what I saw was amazing. I hadn't seen one in 25 years. A LUMS restaurant.
There was one in Glen Ellyn, IL when I was growing up. And Dad took us to LUMS whenever Mom was out. By that I mean we often went to LUMS for Breakfast, Lunch, and/or Dinner! As far as I knew, that was the only LUMS in the world. Turns out I was wrong. I take it as a "Hi!" from my Dad. And that he is with the Lord and all is well with him. Because LUMS is one of the few things in the world that I would only associate with my Dad.
I also passed a street sign on the way home with my maiden name on it. For those of you who don't know my maiden name, I've never seen it as a street name before. Not in 43 years. Spelled right, too.
Funny, the LUMS sign is just as I remember it. Thanks, Dad!

Places I've Been

2008-05-18T19:32:00.001-04:00

As the oldest daughter of two travel agents, maps and travel are a part of my genetic code. So this was a fun exercise for me. I'm sure I'll think of more places I've been, but this is a good start.

Montego Bay, Jamaica

St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands

Rome, Italy

Create your own travel map or travel blog

Visit TripAdvisor.com

Attack of the Killer Goat Cheese

2008-05-17T15:32:00.003-04:00

Well we finished up our 10 day raw food cleanse yesterday. Both Jon and I lost 7 pounds in the process (yippee!) and our clothes feel much better. We decided to keep most of the diet, but add cooked food, dairy and meat occasionally (like once a day or so).

So last night I decided my first new thing would be goat cheese. Just a little bit on my otherwise raw vegan salad. It tasted soooo good. And then about 9:30 pm it hit me. My body said "NO" to the goat cheese, and ran it out of me as fast as possible. I was so sick. Bummer!! That didn't used to happen when I ate goat cheese. And I only had a little bit.

Now I feel as though a truck hit me. I am a little weak and worn out. I have been eating only raw vegan today, frankly afraid to try anything else. Will wait until I feel better and then try again.

But the great news is that while on raw food, I had no migranes. Usually that time of the month or a change in barometric pressure is a sure invitation for a killer migrane. But not this time! So perhaps it is worth it to continue on.

Stay tuned for the continuing saga. . . And for those of you who managed to read all the way to the bottom, here are some cute pictures of the kids that I took last night:

Truth about this Presidential Election by Jerry Day

2008-05-13T10:24:00.001-04:00

I really like Ron Paul. If you were thinking about voting for him, but didn't want to "waste" your vote, think again.

Raw Squash Soup

2008-05-12T16:46:00.003-04:00

Hurray! Day 6 is almost over. We are surviving our Raw Food Cleanse. While to say that we are enjoying it would be a stretch, it has been fun in terms of getting creative with what we can eat. The night before last I dreamed I ate cheese and had to fess up to my husband! Can you believe I am dreaming about food?

Today I made raw butternut squash soup. It was delicious, and a welcome change from cold fruit smoothies on this chilly overcast day. Here's what I did:

1/2 medium butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cut into small pieces
2 cups warm water
1 mango, peeled and pitted, cut in small chunks
3 dates, pitted
curry spice to taste

Place all ingredients in the blender (must have a Blendtec or VitaMix to do this), and blend until smooth. Taste and adjust curry. Warm on a double boiler, but keep below 120 degrees to remain raw.

Enjoy!

Fruit, Anyone?

2008-05-08T13:55:00.003-04:00

Jon and I are on our second day now of our 10 day raw food cleanse. I was going to do the cleanse by myself, as I wanted to see how I would feel. But when I told Jon about it, he said he wanted to join me. We are not intending to become raw foodists, but rather just wanted to experience it for ourselves. Probably sometime around day 8 or 9 we will talk about how we want to eat moving forward. But for now, we fasted (water only) for the first 24 hours, and then only raw fruits and vegetables for the next 9 days.
The first day (fasting) I'll admit was brutal. By 5 pm I had a raging headache. I still feel a little head achy, but considerably better. Tonight I am going out to join the other homeschool moms for social get together at a restaurant. I will bring a green smoothie with me.
Today I logged onto www.fitday.com, a free service that counts your calories, fat, carbs and protein. I hadn't intended to count any of that, but it is interesting.
On the whole this is the easy way to eat ever. No cooking. Just peel (or not) and eat. Sometimes I blend up a few fruits and some greens (kale, spinach, romaine) for a green smoothie. Way yummy!

Raw for 30 Days new trailer

2008-05-04T19:26:00.001-04:00

Chickens, Cake, Cleanse

2008-05-04T19:13:00.004-04:00

The neighbor's dog, being a dog, has decided that my chickens taste so good that she will brave electric fences for a meal. So, having lost 4 chickens in the last week, with only 3 remaining, I have decided to give up on my pet chickens for now. I considered attempting to build a truly dog proof enclosure, but that gets dangerously closed to caging them. By the way, I want to know how in the world people can raise free range chickens? When my chickens free range, they are eaten - by hawks, by dogs.
I considered butchering them, which I don't mind. But I am slow at it (about 2 hours per bird) and so it is not really worth the energy.
So my hubby suggested that I find the remaining three hens a good home. And that is what I have done. Happily the woman who came today to pick up the chickens offered us eggs, and to come and visit them. So I am contented with not having to worry about them anymore.
The lemon cake turned out great.
Tomorrow, hubby and I are starting a 10 day raw food cleanse. We will be eating only raw fruits, vegetables and greens for 9 days, following a one day fast. I am really excited about it. I did a raw food diet for one day while the family was out of town a couple of weeks ago, and it was really lovely. I was surprised by how much energy I had and by how I didn't feel hungry or deprived.
I am hoping to lose some weight (all my pants are tight since all the great food in Jamaica) and just be healthier. I found this video to be very inspiring. I don't have diabetes, but I do have other health issues (hypothyroidism and osteoporosis). Wouldn't it be wonderful to reverse them with diet?

Lemon Cake

2008-05-01T20:43:00.008-04:00

Today was one of those days when I could look at the glass half-empty or half-full. On the one hand, I did finally make it to the transfer station with a huge load of trash that had taken over my garage. So, hurray! I can park the car in the garage again. Pat myself on the back. And the 8yo boy and I installed a new dimmer switch on the dining room light - so now I can turn it on and off all the way. Good job! And I held my own with the kids when they were whiny and grumpy. I was very consistent. Yippee!
On the other hand, the dead chicken got to me. The neighbor's dog was in the hen house when we returned from the transfer station. A half eaten chicken in it's mouth. And if dog's could smile, she was. She wagged her tail and was happy to see me - no clue she'd done anything I'd disapprove of. I carried her back to our neighbor's house. My neighbor is suffering from some crippling disease (they don't know what it is) and she can barely talk and walk. I felt like such a schmuck telling her that her dog just ate my chicken (which also means the two we found dead on Saturday were the dog's doing, also). She felt soooo bad. I just wanted the dog locked up until I could clean up the dead chicken, and secure the fence better. I don't know how the dog could get in. But I had to go before we could discuss it, because the kids were home alone.
Later her hubby called, and I told him it was no big deal. And it isn't. I am down to 4 chickens now, having lost 3 in the last week. I think I may give up on the whole thing.
Here's the rub: I feel like I failed my chickens. It's my fault they died. So later today, when 8 yo boy was wrestling with 2 you girl and smacked her head on the ground, I went ballistic. Because I was already responsible for one death that day, and didn't want anything else on my conscience. He hated me for the rest of the day. It really spiraled. I wish I had handled it differently and not yelled at him. In the end, he went to bed early for throwing things at me. Come to think of it, all three kids threw something at me today. What's with that?
So now I am making Lemon Cake to assuage my guilty conscience. My friend asked me to bake a cake. I am hoping that it turns out well so that I will feel good about myself again. How messed up is that? My self-worth depends on a lemon poppy seed layer cake.

Diving in

2008-04-14T20:40:00.004-04:00

This is the time of year when I historically have my home school meltdown. "What am I going to do next year?" The task of deciding (and why decide anyway?) seems daunting, but always just intriguing enough to completely rock my world. The only thing about home schooling that I don't completely rethink and over analyze is home schooling itself. That much is settled. Occasionally I have one of those days when I seriously consider selling the children to the highest bidder on Ebay. And by then I have usually looked up the price of tuition at the private schools in the area (although around here, there are NO Christian private schools, and the public school isn't half bad, as public schools go. . .) But other than the off days, I am a home schooler to the core.
That said, don't ask me what my teaching/learning philosophy is. It changes. Or I can't decide. They all look so good, depending on my mood and current inclination. This past run I have been looking heavily into Konos, Robinson, Weaver, Tapestry of Grace, and Ambleside Online to name a few. At present, my biggest dilemna is the realization that come fall, my 5yo girl will be a Kindergartener. And while we don't legally HAVE to home school until 7 years of age here. . . well I keep thinking about the very fun time we had when the 8 yo boy was in Kindergarten. We studied Ancient Egypt with The Story of the World and mummified a chicken. He can still tell you just about anything you'd like to know about Egypt. And we worked so consistently on his phonics with Phonics Pathways (which I love), so that he can read anything and everything with ease.
Now with miss 5yo coming up the ranks, I don't want to short change her. I want her to have the same depth and joy. But how to pull that off without losing steam with the 8yo? That's when I started looking at Robinson, because it's so hands off for the teacher. But it seems unfair to go crazy fun with the 5 yo and tell the 8 yo "hey, you are on your own!" And honestly, Robinson recommends peace and quiet to study in. Let's face it - my house has been compared to Las Vegas! I have three VERY VOCAL kids. With the 2 yo girl, it is especially unlikely that it will be that quiet ever!
What I did glean from Robinson, however, is the idea of doing math first, and starting with Saxon 54. So despite the fact that math has been our challenge subject for the boy, we will launch into 54 next year with him being on his own. I did get the DIVE CD, however. So he will get to watch that each morning and then do his math on his own while I work with the girls on their math binders and assorted Mathematics Their Way projects.
I plan to do Phonics Pathways with the 5yo while the 2yo is on the computer. She loves Reader Rabbit. The 8yo can be reading literature while we do that.
I decided I wanted to do some kind of unit study that we all could do together. In the end, I got the Konos Obedience study which will cover the Middle Ages. That's a time in history I know very little about. While I thought about doing the Ancients again (and moving out of Egypt this time, because we never did with the boy!), I think the Middle Ages has something for everyone, and it's new to me which is exciting. The girl will love the horses, castles and royalty. And the boy will enjoy the knights and battles, and the plague!
My friend Suzanne has used Konos and didn't care for it. She said she felt too out of control, like riding a runaway horse that's going so fast that your body is flying horizontally, hanging on for dear life. Sounds like fun to me! I'll let you know how it goes.

Birthday Song and Dance

2008-03-23T17:00:00.004-04:00

For Grandma's birthday(my mom) we put on shows nearly every night. My kids sang "Tomorrow" from Annie because I sang that as a child. Maria led all the kids in singing "Down by the Bay". Cynnie and I performed a song that Cynnie composed to the tune of "Let it Be":

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Marilyn comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom

I just leaked

And when she thinks that life is funny

Standing right in front of me

Laughing ‘till she pees

I just leaked

I just leaked, I just leaked

I just leaked, I just leaked

Buying stock in Poise pads

I just leaked.

She’s tried experimental trials

From Botox to the bladder sling

There will be an answer

I just leaked

Driving up to Evanston for the

Urodymanics constantly

There has to be an answer

I just leaked.

I just leaked, I just leaked

I just leaked, I just leaked

Walking down the street

I just leaked.

I just leaked, I just leaked

I just leaked, I just leaked

Crossing legs while sneezing

I just leaked.

I just leaked, I just leaked

I just leaked, I just leaked

This will be our future

We just leaked.

We both nearly pee'd while singing it! And I did a belly dance class and a performance.

A Summer Place

2008-03-18T11:51:00.004-04:00

For my mother's 70th birthday, she took my whole family, and the families of my brother and sister - 14 of us in all, to Jamaica. Here's where we are staying! Wow! But what makes this place truly amazing is the wonderful staff. They are totally flexible. They make the most wonderful meals, keep the place looking great, despite the mess that kids can make, do all the laundry and we have a chauffeured van with a tour guide. We've been shopping, climbed waterfalls, gone kayaking, and several (not me) went to Bob Marley's mausoleum for the tour. But mostly, we sit, eat, talk and play games - all in our swimsuits. A once in a lifetime vacation. But I am seriously trying to figure out how to make it a regular event!!! Thanks mom!

get out your crayolas

2008-03-01T11:41:00.001-05:00

The Shack

2008-02-28T16:50:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Kevin Freiburg who recommend to my dear hubby that he read "The Shack" by William P. Young. We actually fought over who got to read it next! It was that good - I didn't want it to end. I want to encourage everyone to read it.
We are amazed to find that it incorporates so many of the Option principles we have been learning, and explains them Biblically!
It paints such a wonderful picture of the love of God for all of us. And it does something that no other book I've ever read has done - take the mystery out of the Trinity! Amazing! If you want to deepen your relationship with God, or even if you think I am a lunatic for believing - please read this book. It will introduce you to the Father God that I know, the Jesus that I love and the Holy Spirit that indwells me. Enough said. Read it for yourself!

Goodbye California

2008-02-17T21:49:00.003-05:00

It looks like our house in San Diego may finally be selling. I know, don't count my chickens. . .But I am really excited that we have a bona fide accepted offer. Now I feel like doing what the kids do - and what really annoys me on the receiving end: "Oh, please, oh, please, opleaso!" As if annoying God will get me my way.

I have mixed feelings. We desperately need the money. Holding two mortgages is not my idea of a fun time. And everyone seems to agree that the real estate market has not finished crashing yet. So it is exciting to be on the verge of financial solvency.

On the other hand, I am mourning a bit. I guess it's far less likely that we will be returning to California. Not that we couldn't go back. It seems final, somehow. I hope we will need to fly back to sign papers so that I can say goodbye and hug my friends. I do miss them very much.

But I know that we are where we want to be for now. Yes, it's frozen solid under three inches of ice from the last storm. But it's home. And it's really strange but I like it here.

What's to Eat?

2008-02-11T16:25:00.000-05:00

I have been reading Joan Dye Gussow's "This Organic Life" It is subtitled, "Confessions of a Suburban Homesteader". I find it very readable. And while I don't agree with everything she says - she believes in global warming, and I have yet to be convinced - I enjoy her thought processes regarding nutrition, our food choices, and their impact on the world around us.

The most titillating thing I have learned from the book is her theory that even strict vegetarians are responsible for the death of some animal life in their own eating. She believes that the vast majority of people who choose not to eat animals fail to realize that the very food they do eat, has usually been grown by someone who did away with some animals in the process of growing the food. Either by the very fact that if the land weren't not being used to grow food for human consumption, it would most likely be growing food for animals. Or, the farmers are using various means (usually including killing of some animals at some time) to keep animals from eating the food they are growing for sale to humans. Oh, but she explains it so much better than I do.

In any case, I remain fascinated by the many food choices we have made as humans. The more I learn about different diets, the more amazing it becomes. I am interested in the Weston Price diet, made popular by the nutrition manual and cookbook all in one, "Nourishing Traditions" by Sally Fallon. It recommends a diet rich in something he calls the X-Factor, which can be found in diets with fish, butter, raw milk, etc. He also recommends the practice of lacto-fermentation, or fermenting foods in milk. This diet is very appealing to me.

Of course many people make the decision to shop only organic foods. I think this is a wonderful idea and more affordable the closer you are to the farmers.

Which brings me to the next diet, localvore. This is someone who seeks to eat only things grown within 100 miles of them. This is discussed in depth by Joan Dye Gussow in "This Organic Life". I think this is a wonderful idea, and hope to do it as much as possible without missing out on chocolate and oranges.

An off-shoot of the localvore movement, or maybe an integral part of it is eating in season. If one eats locally produced food, then getting grapes in February from Ecuador is no longer an option. One website I like is Chef Keith Snow's harvesteating.com. Lot's of great recipes, many on video. If you are like me, it's much easier to imagine making something when you see it made, and what it looks like.

Of course there are vegetarians and vegans. I have been both in my lifetime for various reasons. Currently I am not. I have about a 1/4 of a cow in my freezer right now (from a local farmer, and the cows are grass fed, yum!)

Further confusing things are the various levels of raw foodists. Some say it doesn't count unless you are 100% raw, eating only raw fruits, vegetables, nuts, grains, and legumes. Others think 80% raw or better is great. I love the idea of green smoothies and drinking ones greens to get the most nutrition benefit. Sometimes I think I would like to go raw for a while. Other times, I think, NAH!!

Which brings me to the really out there stuff. There are people who actually think that anything intentionally planted is not to be eaten. They would survive on weeds. Seriously.

But not to be outdone, there are the breatharians. This I totally think is a horrible hoax. But if you would like a good laugh, read up on the people who claim to be able to live on only air and sunshine, and will teach you to do the same for only $25,000,000.

Bon appetite!

Shrooms

2008-02-06T18:43:00.000-05:00

My friend, Grace, gave me a really cool Portabello Mushroom growing kit for my birthday. I like mushrooms, but I had never even considered growing them. I opened the box and started misting the last week of December.

And this morning I went to mist, and there is a huge, 6x7 inches Portabello in there. I couldn't help but think that it was far too easy. Usually I find gardening to be full of reward, but also much strenous labor. This I mist ever other day, and leave it in the basement where it is much cooler. There are many more mushrooms coming up now. We will have a real harvest!

We had creamed tuna on toast with Portabello mushrooms today for lunch. Yummy! Thanks Grace!

Feeding our Brains

2008-02-06T18:23:00.000-05:00

People often ask about curriculum in regard to home schooling. They are shocked and a little outraged when I tell them that in Connecticut we are not told what to teach, and no one reviews our curriculum choices. I see real fear in their eyes - "How do you know that you are teaching the right things?"

I don't. As each child unfolds, and the gifts that God has given them become apparent, we reevaluate. Are there "right things" to teach?

It amuses me to compare my freedom in choosing what to teach to my freedom in choosing what to feed my children. No government person oversees the food that is consumed in my house. Yes, there are guidelines. (Misguided and wrong guidelines.) But for most of us, we wing the whole nutrition thing. Some things we do better than others. But if I were to vote for which area I would prefer the government to stick their noses into my private life, it would be food over education. I'm glad that they don't. I think I do, frankly, a much better job than the government would in feeding my family. But I do think that most of America could use a good primer on nutrition. We are a country full of overweight, nutrition starved people -- kids, sometimes, especially.

Yet no one seems offended by this apparent lack of authority in our lives in the area of food. Why then, are people so convinced that they would be unable to choose wisely for their children what to feed their brains?

Daddy

2008-01-29T19:36:00.000-05:00

I saw my dad last night. I had a dream that there was a Crossroads reunion. That was his business, a travel agency that he and my mom ran for 40 plus years. In the dream I saw all the old employees gathered and snacking on finger foods. And then I saw my dad. He looked so good. He was happy. I ran up and hugged him, and I burried my face in his chest. He squeezed me tight. His strength was back. I told him that I loved him and how good it was to see him again. He died 5 years ago. I miss him so much.

Recurring Dreams

2008-01-26T19:45:00.000-05:00

I have recurring dreams. Lots of them. There's the one about the bathroom with lots of toilets and lots of bathtubs. But the doors don't lock and there's no privacy.

There's the one about being back in college again. Always at Illinois Wesleyan. I'm moving into my dorm room and meeting my new roommates. I explain to them that this is funny that I am going back to college because I already have my degree. And, in fact, I am in my forties and married with three kids. Sometimes, I even explain to the new roomies that I have a recurring dream about this - but I never seem to realize that it is a dream at the time.

There's the dream where I am back in high school, even though I know I've graduated. I can't find my locker, or my classes. I don't even have a pencil. I just know I haven't done my homework.

There was a dream I had for a long time about driving down country roads and being really lost. I had always assumed that it was a dream about going to my Uncle Jack and Aunt Pat's house in Dixon for Thanksgiving. And then we moved here. Now I live that dream.

There's a dream that I am riding on the El (train) from Chicago where I have just had pizza with my sister. I am going to my mother's new condo, and I am a little unsure about my ability to find it. Actually, in the dream, my dad still lives there.

I am going to Chicago next weekend to visit my mother and see her new condo. And my sister invited me for pizza in the city. So I am having a dejavu experience prior to even going.

I believe sometimes that God gives me previews of what is to come. And sometime I also relive the past in my dreams. I probably do feel that I have gone back to school in some ways with home schooling. And I do struggle with feeling unprepared, like I haven't done my homework, and I don't know where my classes are.

The Differences

2008-01-08T20:12:00.000-05:00

Since we moved to the east coast, and, more strikingly, to the country a year ago, I have noticed certain things that I prefer about the various modes of living:

What I prefer about Country Life:
The food is farm fresh. It is really easy to get local, organic produce, eggs, dairy, meats, etc.
Our beach is so private and functional.
No one locks anything, ever (low crime)
People leave their cars running when they run into the store!
People help each other
The song birds
You get to know everyone
Almost never a line in a store (except right before a big storm)

What I prefer about City Life:
Trader Joe's close by
Restaurants that are reasonably priced
Better prices on pretty much everything
Much easier to travel or have people come visit
Museums
Cell phone coverage
Contractors (electricians, plumbers, etc. call you back and show up)
Trash pickup (we haul our own trash here)
No ticks (Lyme Disease is a big thing here)

What I prefer about the East Coast:
Fall!
It reminds me of where I grew up
The Trees, the grass, the green of it all
The kids learning about seasons
All the beautiful things that grow here
How the Lord waters the earth so I don't have to (rain!)
No Santa Ana winds (or the fires that go with them)
No earthquakes (although, we are the ONLY people out here with earthquake insurance, because you never know!)
I am enjoying the hard working lifestyle - working the farm, hauling firewood, etc.

What I prefer about the West Coast (specifically southern California):
Fresh organic produce in the winter
The Wild Animal Park, SeaWorld, Legoland, The San Diego Zoo, Disneyland
Much more Christian friendly
Much more conservative (politically)

Quack

2008-01-04T15:10:00.000-05:00

Our 7 1/2 year old son used his Christmas money to buy spy gear, including a watch. He informs me of the time often throughout our day - as if I am late or something. A few minutes ago he told me it was time for snack.

"Really?" I asked. "What time is it?"

"Three o'clock on the duck," he proudly announced.

Country Roads

2008-01-01T12:12:00.000-05:00

The other day I was driving along the country roads near our home. I was listening to my Alto Messiah practice CD. I think I have my part down cold now. I was thinking about how I know when to come in. I don't count (not that I am aware of). I do listen to the other parts, but it's not like I am thinking "come in after the Basses". It's much more internal than that. I just know the music.

Then I started thinking about the country roads, and how driving them is similar to singing the Messiah. There are few if any road signs. (That drove me crazy when we first moved here.) But I know my way around. I don't think to myself "Turn right after the farm with the blue barn." I just know that I will know what to do when I get there. Just like singing the Messiah. I've internalized them both. Of course when I am going someplace new, or singing something new - I like to have a map!

Freak Tractor Accident

2007-12-17T18:40:00.001-05:00

I had heard about them: Freak Tractor Accidents. I never knew anyone who was involved in one, personally. Until today.

I suppose that living in the country, it was inevitable. But we've only been here a year!

This afternoon, I drove with the three kids in the minivan to the farm where we get our milk. (Yes, we drink raw milk - but I'll post about that another time). The farmer was out with the snowblower, and he asked me to move my car from the driveway by the house to the driveway in front of the barn. So I did, and I got my milk.

When I tried to back out the driveway, I kept hitting ice and getting stuck. I was attempting to back up a slight hill. But it was more level closer to the barn. So I pulled forward a couple of inches and tried again. And again. And again. Until such point as I was up behind the big, green tractor.

Not being a stupid person, I put the car in park, and flagged down the farmer. I explained that this California girl seemed unable to back out the driveway, and that I had run out of room. "No problem,"he said, "I'll just move the tractor and give you more room."

So I stood outside my car, the three kids strapped inside it, and watched. He got on the tractor, which faced the other way from the minivan and started it up. Here's the freaky part. Two things kind of like a tow hitch on the back of a pick up were on the back of this tractor. I gather you would attach a shovel or plow, or any number of things to the back of the tractor with these. They began about a quarter of an inch in front of my front bumper. But then they jutted back into my bumper and began to raise up. The car went with.

Maybe this whole thing took about 10 seconds. I don't know. Because I was screaming and waving my arms like a lunatic. "STOP!!! SSSSSTTTTOP!!!! To no avail because he was wearing headphones from when he had been using the snowthrower. Finally he noticed and stopped. The car came back down, and the bumper ripped off the front of the car, and was hanging there, like a plow attachment.

I was totally freaking out for those few seconds. But as soon as the car was back on the ground, and I knew the kids were okay, it all seemed way too funny to me. The farmer was taking his turn to freak out now. We were both shocked at what had happened. "I didn't see that coming," I said. "Me, neither." He agreed.

My big concern was getting the kids home. So he helped me by getting bungee cords from the barn and bungeeing the bumper back on so I could drive it home. It looks like it's a series of plastic screws hook it back together. So hopefully we can get it all fixed without too much cost.

Curriculum

2007-12-16T16:44:00.000-05:00

I haven't written for some time about what we are doing in our homeschool.

The question I get asked the most is: Does someone tell you what to teach? The answer is no. In our state we commit to teaching our kids the same subjects that they teach in public school. But there is no suggestion (and no requirement) as to scope or sequence.

The most important thing I teach my children is how to love the Lord. So we talk about Him throughout our day, read our Bibles and have regular worship times together (I am working on playing the guitar).

Next most important is loving others. It is a constant challenge to teach the kids methods for getting along and loving each other. Most days we do see progress. Other days it feels like all was for naught!

The third most important thing I teach the kids is to read, and read well. For this I have used Phonics Pathways by DorBooks. Our oldest finished the book this year, which means he is reading at a 4th grade level. Our middle child is working through the book now. It's a great investment as you only need one book to teach as many children as you want.

Next I am teaching the kids to use math in their lives. They learn to tell time, make change, estimate, multiply and divide, and use fractions. Almost all these things we all do on a daily basis. We did Grocery Cart Math in the store. We cook a lot and measure. We double, triple and half recipes which already use fractions. The kids have some of their own money and are free to spend it as they please. We also play lots of Yahtzee, Monopoly and other games that involve counting, and adding and subtracting. We also use a book called Mental Math, one called Math Their Way, and a computer program called Quarter Mile Math. I do all of these in whatever order or amount seems right for each child that day. I don't try to follow any curriculum straight through (except Phonics Pathways for reading).

We are learning Spanish this year in anticipation of our trip (now in 2009) to Guatemala. Our friend will be teaching the kids once a week, in addition to using Rosetta Stone computer software.

For science, we study what the kids are interested in. The oldest found some Kitchen Chemistry and Slimy Chemistry sets at the Transfer Station (trash). He likes to conduct the experiments in the box. We slaughter chickens and talk about the various body parts. We notice the weather, the seasons, the temperature. We studied Astronomy last year, and find the stars and moon a constant topic of discussion.

History is the subject which probably gets the most time. It's really very fun studying history with kids. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we began this fall studying the American Revolution through the movies. Ask our boy anything about the revolution or founding fathers and he can tell you. He really soaked it in.

Next we studied Lewis and Clark, followed by Mark Twain. We have seen 7 different movies of Tom Sawyer; everything from animation with the characters as animals, to claymation, to live theater. We visited Mark Twain's house in Hartford.

Now we are beginning our study of the Gold Rush. After that I am thinking we will look into Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War, followed by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Any ideas?

My philosophy of teaching at this point is to let the kids learn. If they are working on a project and are engaged, I will serve as a resource to them. If they are getting into trouble and not focused, I have a backup plan of what to study. Our second-grader likes to make his own movies. He is learning a lot doing that.

First Egg

2007-12-16T16:22:00.000-05:00

God is calling our bluff. On Thursday, my hubby and I discussed our plans for 2008. We both wondered where all the money would come from. Finally, one of us, (I don't remember who) prayed. "If you want us to do these things, Lord, then you know how much they cost. Please provide for us."

Friday evening hubby let me know that God had surprised us in many ways with money. We would be okay. Thank you, God.

Saturday, we made a back of the envelope budget. We were still 4K short. But at least that is within spitting range. Now, the problem was, (as hubby saw it) his vacation time. We added up the various things we were committed to. They came to a couple weeks more than his allotted vacation time. "Oh, well," he said. As if it were all for nothing.

"How about asking God for more time?" I suggested.

"I don't know how he could do that."

"Well, why don't you ask Him?"

He prayed. We went home from our lunch. My mom called, and I found out that the birthday party for my Tia Carmen in Guatemala had been pushed to 2009.

I laughed. It was 2 weeks and $4K. Now we were right on budget and dangerously close to having enough time.

Last night there was an ice/snow storm here. Church was cancelled. We talked about making pancakes this morning. Until we realized we didn't have eggs. Hubby laughed, and suggested that if God wanted to provide eggs, the chickens could start laying.

Of course they did. Two eggs. One blue (broken) and a perfect green one. I didn't make pancakes. We had already had oatmeal when I found the eggs. But I did crack the green egg for eggwash for our bread for tonight.

I am so pleased with my egg. It was the darkest, most round yolk I have ever seen. More tomorrow, I trust. Since we have 20 hens (and one very happy rooster) we ought to be up to our eyeballs in eggs soon.

All I Want For Christmas. . .

2007-12-11T19:27:00.000-05:00

He greeted me with the bloody, gaping hole. His tooth dangled. "Look, Mom!" My oldest was losing the second of his two top, front teeth. I force a smile as I am thinking, "Gross!" Wow. Guess I am out another dollar tonight. When I was a kid, it was a dime. But now it's a dollar.

What Are We Doing Here?

2007-12-09T20:03:00.000-05:00

When I tell people that we moved here from California, the first thing people say is WHY? Why leave the perfect weather and all your friends? Well, we have a really great reason! So here it is:

I first heard about Option in the mid-80’s. I was attending college in Los Angeles, studying to be a teacher. I don’t remember how (perhaps it was part of the curriculum?) but I saw the movie, Son Rise, and then read the book. (Son Rise is the story of how Bears and Samahria Kaufmann loved and accepted their autistic son. They developed a program for him, based on the Option Process. He came out of his autism fully, and went on to graduate from Brown University with a degree in Biomedical Ethics. He currently acts as CEO for the institute.) I was deeply moved by their story. I found it all fascinating, but didn’t move on it. However, I tucked it away in my mind. (The cause is in the future.)

Fast forward to 2005. All my life I have wanted to be a wife and mother. I am a devout Christian, and always considered myself to be a happy person. But I was shocked by my own desperate unhappiness two-and-a-half years ago. I was married for 13 years to what everyone agreed was a wonderful man. We had two beautiful, healthy children, and one more on the way. Yet, I hated my life. It was everything I had ever wanted and I was miserable.

A close friend’s child was diagnosed with autism. Wanting to be helpful, I remembered Son Rise, and found it in our local library. Because my friend and I are both Christians, I reread it to be certain that it is something I want to share. It was. This sparked a renewed interested in Option for me. I noticed that Bears had written other books, including one on grieving. I had just lost my father to cancer and was inconsolable about it. I ordered the book. I got on the Option mailing list. I looked at the website (www.option.org).

Meanwhile, my husband, Jon and I were having an awful time. Different parenting philosophies have pitted us against each other. I felt he had left our marriage relationship for an unhealthy relationship placating our then 5 year old son. Jon judged me and my parenting relentlessly. I yelled at the kids constantly out of a feeling of utter powerlessness. I was at my wits’ end.

I ordered the “No Risk, No Fault Parenting” CDs. The first time I listened to them, I found them so radical that I thought Bears should be jailed! But by the fifth listen, I decided he was a genius. I gave it a try, and for a week, I didn’t yell at my kids. Which at that point was miraculous!

My husband noticed the change, and asked me about it. When I told him about the CDs he asked, “Do they have classes we could send you to?” So in May of 2005, I flew from San Diego out to Option for the Happiness Option Weekend (HOW). I believed in my heart that I would never come home. Sure, the CDs had helped, but eventually I went back to yelling. I felt so lost and depressed and out of control. I feared what I might do to one of the kids in a fit of anger. Jon and I had been in Christian counseling for years. But I felt as though things weren’t changing; only getting worse. I figured I would go to the Option weekend, and then fly someplace beautiful (like Tahiti) and disappear. I couldn’t face my life.

When I told the 100 or so people who had come to HOW that I was a Christian mom with two kids and another on the way. And that all I had ever wanted was to be a stay at home mom, but that now I hated it. And I was leaving and never coming back – Well, I expected people to stop me. I thought someone would say, “You can’t do that!” But no one did. Rather they challenged me that I had never been doing anything other than exactly what I wanted to do. And when I finally realized that no one was holding a gun to my head and making me stay; when I gave myself permission to go; that is when I realized that I wanted to stay. I wanted to be a mom to my kids. And I found a way to go back on my terms.

It was such an incredible change in me, that my husband starting reading the books, and attending the classes. When he returned from his first classes, I was surprised. He was once again the man I had married. I remembered again why I had loved him in the first place. So many years of judgments and anxiety were gone. And here was this wonderful happy person that I fell in love with all over again.

Last year we moved to the east coast from California so that he could pursue his dream of working at Option. He is a certified mentor (which means he works with people, helping them to gain clarity regarding their beliefs, and choose happiness regardless of their current circumstances), and is on his way to being an instructor. We want to lead the happiest lives we possibly can. We also want to learn everything that Option has to teach us, and make it accessible to the Christian Church. It is a powerful set of tools for living out the Gospel.

We are forever grateful to the Option Institute for giving us the tools with which to create the happy lives we have always wanted for ourselves and our children. I am a better mother, a better wife, a better follower of Jesus, and a happier me.

Why?

2007-12-05T19:03:00.000-05:00

The little one, the 2 year old, has discovered the word why. It is her favorite response. I ask her to eat her dinner. Why? I tell her to pick up the blocks. Why? I say it's time for bed. Why?

Because I said so. Gosh that feels good to say. I mean, really, do I have to justify myself to a 2 year old? And the older kids, they say it too. I tell them, "Don't ask why. Just assume that I have a very good reason, say 'Yes Ma'am' and do it. Then, after you have done what I asked, if you still want to know, you may ask 'Why?'.

As soon as the words come off of my tongue, I hear it. That voice from within that I recognize as the Lord's voice. He says, gently, "yes, Paisley, my point exactly".

Oh. So this is how God feels when I question Him. Do I really expect Him to explain Himself? Or is His asking good enough for me? "Yes, Lord," I say in my head. "I see what you mean."

Not me!

2007-12-05T18:53:00.000-05:00

There appears to be two new people in our family, by the name of Not Me and Nobody. Each time I ask the kids "who did this?" the answer is Not Me. Not Me has gotten into a lot of trouble lately. So I called out "Not Me?! Come here right now!" Nobody came. Nobody got all of Not Me's punishment. I feel sort of sorry for Nobody. But Not Me better watch out!

Never Say Never

2007-12-04T11:57:00.000-05:00

We have a cat. Her name is Miss Kitty. We inherited her from Bill, an very special man who passed away recently.

I had told the kids that they could have a cat when they moved into their own homes. I am not a cat person! Definitely a dog person. But the move to the country has caused me to reconsider my dislike of cats. I never minded them in other people's homes. But I never wanted one. Never say never.

The country is full of mice. We have had many mice in both houses we've lived in here. When I complain (because I really hate mice!!), my friends here smile and suggest getting a cat.

Miss Kitty has a reputation as a great mouser. She has already rescued a sock from under a bureau. She is friendly with the kids, and knows how to escape to the basement should she want some privacy. Our four-year-old daughter is the cat's girl. She woke up this morning and got dressed so quickly. Then I took her downstairs and showed her how to feed Miss Kitty and scoop her litter.

Speaking of litter, I was told the cat was housebroken. But when I went to bed last night, it was not apparent if she had used the litter box. Not that I am fond of the ancient carpet here. But I do not like the smell of cat urine. So at 2 am, when I woke up and went down to stoke the fire, I was thrilled to see that Miss Kitty had used her litter box. It was all I could do to not wake up my husband to tell him. She's a great cat.

Elfin Children

2007-11-29T19:18:00.000-05:00

My friend Grace sent me a link to the funniest website of her family as elves dancing. It's such a simple idea - but incredibly funny to me. So I put the kids on it. Enjoy!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9637403263

The Clapper

2007-11-27T18:09:00.001-05:00

My husband just came up with the best invention. Clapper kids. You clap, they come on. You clap, they go off. About 6 pm every evening is a disaster in my house. The kids are cranky, we are worn out and just want them to go to bed. They never go to bed as easily as one might hope that they would. Clapper kids would be great. My husband says, "If we had Clapper kids, I would clap right now." Amen.

Silver Spangled Hamburg Rooster

2007-11-27T16:03:00.000-05:00

We have a rooster!

We are so surprised. The 20 hens are Amerucana, and have yet to lay their theoretically lovely (and delicious) blue green eggs. But the bonus chicken (Murray McMurray Hatchery sends a bonus chicken with each order) turns out to be a Silver Spangled Hamburg rooster. He makes the loudest cock-a-doodle-dos. But I rarely let them out before 7 am, so none of the neighbors have complained thus far. I am hoping that the hens will lay before the neighbors complain (it's a race!) so that I might buy them off with the pretty eggs. He really is a lovely rooster. Kind of patriotic looking. Spangled is a good name for him.

Indiana Jones meets Fear Factor

2007-11-27T15:51:00.000-05:00

Imagine being flown in a small plane with a couple of friends. You are dropped off at a remote airstrip in the jungle. You wave goodbye to the plane, and hike with your backpack to find the native village. There you find someone who speaks the "national" language of Tok Pisin. You explain that you are there to see whether their language group is similar enough to other groups in the area to share translations. Or maybe their language group needs their own translation. This is what you have come to find out. Someone will offer you a place to lay your sleeping mat and mosquito netting. Someone will offer you food. It will probably consist of root vegetables, greens, sago palm and grubs. You will be staying for days or weeks. That will be determined later. Wow!

This Thanksgiving we are particularly thankful for a visit from an old friend. We've known Bonnie for 16 years. She has been serving with Wycliffe Bible translators in Papua New Guinea for 7 years. We are blown away by the life she leads! The kids learned so much by asking questions about her life in PNG. And Bonnie and I secretly wondered which requires the most bravery: Raising three small children in America, or Bible translation in PNG?

San Diego burning

2007-10-22T23:10:00.000-04:00

We don't live in San Diego bodily anymore. But I am surprised by how much I feel my heart is there now. I remember the fires 4 years ago. We evacuated to my mom's in Chicago.

Now here we are on the east coast, and I am torn. On some level I am so glad not to be going through all of it all over again. It's like we are already evacuated. On the other hand, I feel as if I am there, reliving it. Why do I do that?

Certainly I am concerned for all of our dear friends. I can't reach them. I call, and I am excited to reach the answering machine at Hannah's. I think I remember that they had an actual answering machine in their condo. So it's not burned to the ground if the answering machine is still working, right? I wonder when I call tomorrow, if it will still answer? At least they didn't answer. At least they got out. But I have no idea where they, and so many of my dear friends are tonight.

I want to tell them, "Come to Connecticut!" There aren't fires or earthquakes or even tornadoes here. An occasional bad thunderstorm, and, yes, it gets cold and snowy. But not the trauma of living in Southern California!

I hope you are all alright. We are praying for you.

What Color is the number 3?

2007-09-15T19:14:00.000-04:00

Ever since I was a kid, I have been able to remember numbers easily. Especially phone numbers. My mother would be quick to tell you that this is because I dial them so often. Yes, I am something of a telephone junkie.
But it wasn't until I was older that I realized that my way of remembering numbers is unique to me. In my mind, each number logically has a corresponding color.

0 is black (absence of color, absence of number)
1 is white (simple, heroic, clean)
2 is baby blue (it rhymes)
3 is green (it sort of rhymes)
4 is orange (four, or - get it?)
5 is red (I have no idea why)
6 is dark blue (ibid)
7 is purple (it's a funky number, it deserves a funky color)
8 is yellow (it's big and sunny)
9 is brown (cause that's what's left)

So when I think of an address, like 1245, it is a set of stripes: white, baby blue, orange and red.

Telephone numbers become plaids. The first three numbers are the columns, and the four numbers are the rows. It makes a picture in my mind that is easy to remember.

My phone number growing up was: 858-2022. It looks like this:

Only more like fabric in my mind.

What I Love About Joanna

2007-09-09T15:06:00.000-04:00

Dear Joanna,
Thank you so much for hosting me and the kids this week. We are loving hanging with your family in Utah. You bless us.
Being here has just so encouraged me. I love how much I learn from you. You have so many fun and unique qualities and interests. I always take away so much from our visits.
I know I have been hounding you about moving to the east coast. It's just I want to show you how beautiful it is there, and I want my wonderful new friends to meet you. Please don't feel pressured. If you ever do move out by us, it will be a gift from the Lord. And if not, we have all of eternity to hang out.
Things I love about Joanna:
Your creativity - you are always interested in new things, learning and pursuing your passions;
Your commitment to your family and your children - you struggle, but you press on to be the best wife and mother that you can. You love them, and proactively seek to encourage and build your relationships with them;
Your forthrightness - you are not afraid to say what you think (and you don't think like the rest of the world, so that takes guts);
Your smile - your joyful approach to your day blesses me;
Your willingness to work hard - I know you are 10 years younger than me, but I am still amazed by your strong work ethic. You never shy away from hard work. You jump in and get things done;
Your love of the Lord - your relationship with Jesus colors everything you do.
I wish I had a Joanna on the east coast! I love my new friends, but I miss you much.
Thanks for being a blessing to me and to my family.
love, paisley

The Chicken Killer

2007-09-03T19:48:00.000-04:00

She was a chicken without a name. When I decided to try my hand at raising chickens, I explained to the children that we would not be naming them. They are, after all, not pets but food. So perhaps we could call them Teriyaki, or Stirfry, or Omelette. But not Sara. Our 4 yo girl wants to name everything Sara. I couldn't kill and eat a Sara. I was worried that it would be hard on the kids to eat something they had known alive.

But our 4 yo would sit with one of the chicks in her hands and say in the sweetest little voice "Hello little chicky. Someday you are going to get big, and then I'm going to eat you."

So our chickens, all 27 of them, have not been named. Except one. The girl calls it the Yellow Chick. It was yellow, when it was a chick. Now it's black and white. I call it Bonus Chick, because that's what it was. They sent 25 Araucana chicks, and a bonus chick.

Now you are thinking that my math is bad, or I can't count. But we started with 26 chicks, and then the neighbors' dog got one. We yelled, and it dropped the chick and ran. But the chick didn't make it. My 7 yo son and I did an autopsy to determine the cause of death (isn't homeschooling fun?). Internal bleeding. It was interesting, but the chick was only a couple of weeks old and far too small to actually eat.

We remedied the dog problem with an electric fence, and we thought we were home free. Then last week I noticed two birds fighting. One had the most amazing long tail. Our chickens don't really have tails, so I ran out and screamed at the bird. It was a Kestrel. I gather they are also called chicken hawks. It looked very much like my chickens, except for the beautiful tail. I yelled and it dropped it's prey and flew away, but it circled for awhile. I gathered the others into the hen house. The chicken that was killed, I took and butchered. It was still so small. It fit into a sandwich bag! But there was enough meat to add to our salad the next night. The kids thought it was the most delicious chicken they had ever had. Surprisingly, it was Jon and I who had a hard time eating our bird. No name chickens are just as difficult to eat. But it was good.

I am hoping that the rest of the chickens will survive at least until they start laying eggs. That should be in November sometime. I got some bird netting to cover their yard. So far the Kestrel has not been able to attack again. But it does come by to look.

I get so angry at the Kestrel, and it's funny. I am thinking to myself, "You can't eat my chickens - I am going to eat them!" And I have looked up the laws on killing Kestrels. It's against federal law to do anything to them. Hmmm. If one attacks, and gets caught up in the bird netting. . . They are beautiful birds. But I want to be the only chicken killer around here.

American History in the movies

2007-08-30T20:26:00.000-04:00

My 7 yo boy had informed me that he did not want to study the Revolutionary War. He wanted to study baseball, and the history of baseball, instead. We homeschool. And one of the many things that I love about homeschooling is the ability to tailor the curriculum to fit the student. That said, I wasn't about to give up on studying the Revolutionary War as planned. After all, we moved to New England last fall from San Diego. Here we are, right in the middle of so much history. The very town we live in was mined for iron ore that supplied the cannons and munition that won the war. I am learning more about the beginnings of our country from just living here, than I had ever learned in American History classes in school.
So I told my boy that he could study baseball history for school. I thought that was a great idea. And then I went to the library and checked out Felicity: An American Girl's Story. It's a movie - not very good, but interesting enough to catch my son's attention. And halfway through it, he said, "Mom, is this about the Revolutionary War?" "Yes." I said. "I thought you said we weren't going to study the Revolutionary War!" "No," I corrected him. "You said that you didn't want to study the Revolutionary War. I never said we weren't going to."
He was perplexed. But he kind of liked it. And when Johnny Tremaine, the old Disney movie, arrived from Netflix, he was thoroughly hooked. "Mom?" He asked. "Can we study the Revolutionary War next year, too? I really like it!"
So, this mom who left her TVs in San Diego, has signed up with Netflix. And we are watching Revolutionary War videos until Christmas. Today we finished 1776. Really fun - although I could do without all the cussing. The music is wonderful. And my son loves a good musical. The queue at Netflix is all set with 75 movies; most of which are about the Revolutionary War. Some are for the hubby and I to watch, and quite a few are about baseball. He's going to love this schoolyear, and I think I will, too.

Love in the Time of Cholera

2007-08-29T21:08:00.000-04:00

One of the nicest complements I have ever received was from my brother. We were out to eat with his family, and I was relaying a story of the yard sale we had when our grandma died. She kept everything. At first, Mom, Cynnie and I joked that Grandma had three of everything. If she had one toaster, there were two more somewhere. In the end, it was more like seven. Seven of everything. Seven blenders. Seven sets of teaspoons. Seven toilet plungers.

It was about at this time in the story when my brother Bill turned to his wife Maria, and started talking in German. I hate it when they do that! They both laughed, and then he explained. He said I told stories like Gabriel Garcia Marquez who wrote Love in the Time of Cholera. He had a phrase for it, which escapes me now. But he meant that I tell unbelievable tales as if they were true. Well, I would argue, they are true! Grandma did have seven of everything. But Bill said it was a good thing. I believe him. He said he likes it best about me. I like best about him, well, lots of things. But best. . . that he likes me.