In Fertility

When hubby and I were trying to get pregnant 10 years ago, we had some tests done. We were older (34 and 38) and wanted to be sure we weren't just spinning our wheels. A doctor called and told us that we would not be able to become pregnant without serious medical assistance. Funny thing. Turns out I was pregnant when we got the call.
So we chose not to believe the medical community then, and went on to have three wonderful, amazing kids.
Recently we've become committed to the notion of letting God choose the size of our family. By that I mean, we are not trying to become pregnant. But we are not trying not to, either.
Two very difficult (physically) miscarriages later, we are throwing up our hands. And going back to the doctor.
Yesterday, I answered a lot of questions and endured the usual poking and prodding known as gynecology at the Center for Advanced Reproductive Services at University of Connecticut. In the end, I am told, it will probably be determined that I am simply old. (I could have told you that!!) But to me, that doesn't explain the difficulty with which I have been miscarrying. I had miscarried before each of the children. And those miscarriages were an entirely different experience.
So when they asked me, Do you want to be pregnant? Are you going for a fourth child? I know I must have seemed odd to them. I would be okay with being pregnant. I would be okay with not being pregnant. I'm just not okay with being so disabled by miscarriages that I am unable to be of use to my family.
They want me to go through a bunch of tests. Some only involve bodily fluids and aren't that invasive. Those I would do. But the one where they shoot my uterus full of dye and take x-rays - that seems like it would do more harm than good. And the endometrial biopsy - same thing. I have to think that after each of these I would be bleeding like crazy all over again. I'd rather not entice my body to hemorrhage.
But the truly mind-boggling part of the day, was meeting with the financial coordinator. It seems my insurance, Connecticare, doesn't cover infertility treatments. Cool. I have no problem with that. I wouldn't want to do invitro or clomid or any of the other things that are done to promote fertility. I am fertile. That I don't have problems with! I just don't want to bleed for months and lose babies right and left.
So they suggested that I get my tubes tied or a hysterectomy. If I don't want to be pregnant, why not? I guess my response is a little counter-cultural. I want to keep my organs and have them work correctly. I want to leave whether or not I have another baby up to God. And I would like help figuring out why it's not working.
So I guess Connecticare would prefer to pay for emergency D &C's and ultrasounds rather than help me get well. Apparently they would pay for a hysterectomy if it were medically necessary. I think a few tests would be cheaper.
In the end, I am glad, because it makes my decision easier. I will do the blood work, IF it's covered. And I am beginning treating myself with Progesterone Cream. (Read Dr. John Lee's book, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Pre-Menopause).
And I will ask God what He is up to.