Another Child in Heaven

Hubby and I had been toying with the idea of stopping using birth control. Actually we went through this 4 years ago, and thus we have our little 2 1/2 year old girl. I thought at the time that we were done with birth control, but hubby didn't. Funny how we manage to misunderstand each other about such big issues.
We read a great book called "A Full Quiver" (thanks to the Nevilles) and both agreed that we were excited to leave the family planning to the Lord (even though I am not excited about actual pregnancy, childbirth and months of sleepless nights). So a week ago we made a commitment before the Lord to forgo the birth control. God must have laughed. We didn't know it, but we were already pregnant. I had an impression to test on Wednesday morning. Sure enough, the stick changed colors even before I had a chance to get the cap back on. Rejoice, rejoice. The Lord knew his plans and was just giving us time to get used to the idea.
Saturday, while touring the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I felt faint. Rested. Went on. On the way out, we stopped at the restroom. Why hadn't I felt the wetness of the blood? I sat in the stall dumbfounded. This isn't the first time. That makes six children in heaven, most very early miscarriages.
I am doing well with it, emotionally. But physically I am wrung out. Why if the period is only 5 days late does it feel more like childbirth and less like a period? All of our children on earth were preceded by early miscarriages. Perhaps it's just what my body does. Perhaps there is a reason why I should have such a large family in heaven. I don't know.
But I do know that God is good, and that he works all things together for good for those who love him. Soon I will feel better. I will probably be pregnant again. But some day, I will see all those kids again. And that will be wonderful.